I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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