Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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