Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
