And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
