I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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