pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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