Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
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