no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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