Just cropdusted the office
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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