I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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