he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love you.
Bad choice
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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