Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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