please come you make the beer taste better
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
