I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
