The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
