So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
