Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
