You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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