i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
