If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
