feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
