If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
