Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
