My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're like the curious george of whores
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
