The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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