i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
