this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
