if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
