And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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