i was born a porn star she said
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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