Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
