I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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