This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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