We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
