She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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