I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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