Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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