no you cant smoke seaweed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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