Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
