I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
