3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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