Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
