every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
