I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
as a side note pls kill me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
