all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
