I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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