If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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