Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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