I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
