one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
