I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
