I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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