i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
