some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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