Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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