his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
