my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
