don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
