One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
