my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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