I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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