I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I believe in your delicious
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
