ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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