Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
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SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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