"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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