K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
