You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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