oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
