You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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