very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
