idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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