1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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