are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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